Depression and Grief

I am often asked what is the difference between the symptoms of major depressive disorder and feeling grief over a loved one’s passing.

When we lose someone close to us it hurts. It can sometimes feel devastating. You may be feeling so many different things. If your loved one was in pain you may be feeling sadness, loss, but also relief they are no longer suffering. If it was unexpected you may feel shock or disbelief. You may not even know how or what you feel. These feeling all revolve around the person you lost.

However, as time goes on these feelings typically become more like waves, coming and going. The sadness waves become less frequent over time as you get back to your life. When once all you may have been able to think about the grief and loss, in time you are able to think of happy moments shared together and can reminisce about your memories of that person. The old quote, “time heals all wounds” applies here. In time you are able to go on with your life interacting with others and doing all the things you did before. You may never completely “heal” the wound, but it feels better in time.

Someone who has major depressive disorder usually has extreme sadness but it lasts much longer and they feel worthless and hopeless, not just in relation to the lost loved one, but in general. They may have low self-esteem and have thoughts of suicide. Time does not make these feelings better and can actually make it worse because they aren’t getting the help they need. They may not be able to work or enjoy time with their family. Their life does not seem like it’s working.

It is possible to have both grief and be diagnosed with major depressive disorder. The best thing you can do if you aren’t sure or if you feel like your sadness is not getting better is to make an appointment to get help. Even if you don't have depression, it can help to talk to someone about your feelings of grief and loss.

I hope this article has helped explain some of the differences between depression and grief. Please keep in mind this article is not intended as professional therapy or clinical advice. If you need help with a mental health issue you are facing, please contact a licensed mental health clinician.

I wish you well.

-Dr. Zaleski

Dr. Katrina Zaleski is a licensed clinical psychologist providing therapy in the state of California. One of her specialties is working with those looking for help with depression. Learn more about Dr. Zaleski’s services for Depression Counseling.